The Gap - The Christmas Stockings

There Rylan stood! Tall and a bit gawky –fourteen and in that in-between stage. Kind of like my life. Kind of like my Christmas Stockings.

The Christmas stockings have hung for more than twenty years. As Christmas approached, if I could add a new stocking that year, I was downright giddy! As soon as I was sure of the name, I ordered a personalized needlepoint stocking. I couldn’t wait to add it to the mantle! Each year the stockings primed my gratitude pump – I was so very grateful! But in 2020, the stockings carried with them bittersweet reminder.

I never dreamed that I would hang eleven stockings on my mantle! I usually hung the stockings all in a row. They fit snugly across my mantle, a memorial to the blessings of God on my life. They make me happy. I took a photo of the stockings hung on my mantle every year.

This year Jennifer gave me an arrangement of Christmas greenery. It was so tall that it forced a divide of the stockings. I chose to divide with the first five older children on the left and the younger six – the ones I call “the second wave”- on the right. I thought of that divide every day the stockings hung. It illustrated the shifting of seasons I had noticed all year. Honestly it made me sad. We had a four year lull between Hayden’s birth and Rylan’s. Infertility made us wonder if five would be the final number. What a blessing to have a second wave of little ones! No one can accuse me of not being grateful or of not knowing how blessed I am!

When Rylan visited, I was stunned at how tall he had grown. I could see my days as a hands-on and “useful” grandmother are numbered. I have loved being useful! Parents have needed babysitters and children need love and attention. Being involved has made my years happy!

The gap reminded me that the first five grandchildren are out of the nest. The last launched in January. It seems Hayden’s “flight” looms larger than the others, or maybe it’s just because he’s the one in the spotlight now or because the year has been lonely. And I have to say, he’s the one who gives the tightest hugs! Covid derailed attending his high school graduation. I love the ceremonies.  They are markers that help me process, adjust. He’s only eighteen, and he joined the Marines. I know Marines go far away. He won’t always be in Colorado when we visit. Covid may prevent us from attending his boot camp graduation – a milestone that is important to him and to us.

Empty nest was more than just a cliche for me. I felt it deeply when my children left the nest. I prepared for it for years. I read and reread a book about letting go.  I questioned moms who had already gone through empty nest. I tried to “practice” by gradually giving each of my children more freedom as they handled each new privilege. I had watched mothers hold on too hard and mother-in-laws cause resentment by refusing to let go of their child. I was bound and determined not to lose my kids by refusing to let go! Each graduation and wedding were rites of passage – not just for them but for me! We treasured the joy with pride and then moved on. I have written a book of scripture and prayers for each grandchild’s graduation. All year as I gathered and wrote, I prayed especially hard for that child. This was Hayden’s year! He’s been in the forefront of my mind and my prayers.

Hayden leaving heralds things to come. Grandchildren will grow up and not need us as much. It’s their due season to become independent. They will not have as much time for us.

So there Rylan stood! But as he stands in the divide – (I must say that he gives some great hugs too!) as a young teen, he foreshadows the time when the second wave will leave us behind.

The “gap” was a reminder, as if 2020 needed a reminder, that our day is waning. We will see our children say goodbye and experience empty nest. They are healthier and stronger and will handle it better than I did. I hope I can attribute that in part to the security and love we gave them. I loved being a mother! The last one leaving signaled an end of a role and a purpose I adored. I love being a grandmother! I am more blessed than any grandmother I know! How grateful I am! But, it’s still hard to let go!

At my age, yes, I am honored to still be useful. To get to spend time with them and care for them. I’ve wondered which graduations I will live to attend. Yet, I am still stunned when I see the oldest of the second group towering between the stockings!

I am not as “elderly” as 2020 said I was! My life is not as diminished as the isolation and pandemic guidelines made me feel.

Rylan towering between the divide reminded me that my influence in his life will wane. Though Hayden is a man and will be a Marine, I believe my prayers for him matter. The good news is, though hugs may come less often, I can be sure they will be the best! And they will be coming from a young man of whom I can be so proud. My heart overflows. The older five and the younger six together fill my heart! There’s no gap there!

 

 

 

A Time To Prune

 When Solomon wrote “for everything there is a season”, I wonder if he thought about pruning. He doesn’t say how one season ends and another begins, but you can be sure that some kind of transition occurs.

The colorful canopy of a crepe myrtle tree is gorgeous. It is strong and hardy, enduring heat and humidity. The delicate blossoms line boulevards and driveways all over Southern neighborhoods.  

Last week the newspaper published an article titled “Don’t Commit Crepe Murder.” I think they print it every year. Apparently winter is pruning season, at least for some plants. Many a husband is sharpening the blades of his chain saw! The writer called the crepe myrtle one of the most controversial and often-discussed plants among gardeners.  With all the controversy in the world, some find theirs in how to prune a tree!

When crepe myrtle trees are in a season of transition, usually in summer, their bark gets spotty and peels. If you don’t know much about crepe myrtles, the peeling bark looks like the tree is not doing well. It looks as if it’s dying, much like a snake shedding its skin. There is a way to prevent the peeling, but it involves lopping off the top of the tree.

But hold your clippers! There is still life inside! Pruning may fix the bark problem, but you lose the colorful canopy of the tree. This is why they it call “crepe murder”!

Are over-zealous loppers eyeing your life? Your fruit? Your lovely blossoms? Have you grown weary of the peeling? A lot has been said this year about cancel culture. Many things look dormant, peeling, over and done.  Lies of the enemy and the culture tell us it’s over. There is no hope, no new life.

Parents joyfully launched their children, but began the transition to an empty nest, missing a role they loved. Others lost career, ministry or financial security. Some lost their role as a wife, a husband.  Many buried their dead this year without the closure and honor of a proper funeral. Older people listened to guidelines of each “Phase” and heard “…but…if you are 65 and older”……as if they suddenly transitioned into “the elderly.”  Diminished…peeled back…in transition….feeling loss.

Transitions in our own life are often messy, sometimes painful. In the end something is being born. Transitions signal the death of one season as life brings forth another. Even if a new season is a good one, the transition is usually hard. Especially hard if you loved the previous one.  

Have you lost something this year? Are you grieving? Re-building strength and relationships? Has division struck too close to home? Have some judged you as dying? Ugly? Given up on you?

I tried to schedule 2020. As always, I prayed, planned and hoped….to draw closer to the Lord, build relationships, to minister, to support my grandchildren, to be a light to the world. I prioritized my activities. By every outward appearance, one could say I lost ground. Signs of life were scarce, at least to a casual passer-by. But inwardly, sap flowed and roots and relationships grew deeper.

From season to season, peeling to peeling, Paul must have felt the grief of transition.

    “Therefore, we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 2 Cor 4:16-18

The towering canopy of an older tree that has escaped the lopping off is glorious!  You may have to strain your neck to see it. Accept that your peeling is producing that eternal weight of glory! Look up to see the life being displayed!

Someone may be driving through your neighborhood cringing at your peeling bark. Or laughing at your lopped off canopy. Others decide to be helpful and take a chain saw to your tree.

Don’t go judging another’s bark! Look instead for buds of new life. And when we see our own bare bark, be merciful and patient with ourselves as well. Have faith you will again have the smooth fresh bark of a new season and the blossoms that follow. Know that the inner man will overtake the outward and that works of the Spirit replace the dead works of the flesh.

There are legitimate reasons and seasons to prune a crepe myrtle. I don’t pretend to know or be a pruner. Aren’t you glad that the Lord is our master gardener? When he holds the shears, we don’t have to worry that he will misjudge whether there is life or not. He will not censor or cancel us. May we not lose patience and begin lopping off our own fruit or that of another.

How many times has a door seemed closed, a season over? Then suddenly new life springs forth. Fortunately, these even “crepe-murdered” trees usually take this abuse and spring back. How much more will we bloom in the hands of the master gardener.

“Do not rejoice over me, mine enemy. When I fall, I will arise. When I sit in darkness, The Lord will be a light to me.” Micah 7:8  

The Christmas Angel

My skinny little tree has a new topper! Well, kind of an old/new topper. Thanks to eBay I have a genuine antique 1950’s spun glass and cardboard angel! Why is it special? It was an angel exactly like this that my daddy lifted me up each year to place on the top of our tinsel-laden tree. Through the years I remembered the angel. I guess the original one fell apart and was discarded. In the early 80s, I clearly remember a day I was shopping in TG & Y. Oh how I miss TG &Y! I must have been in my early thirties, with 3 little kids and on a tight budget. On the Christmas aisle, in a section of “retro” decorations, there was my angel! At least a reproduction - an inexpensive one at that. I eyed it. Even though I didn’t consider it as fashionable as the topper I had, I wanted it! I put it in my cart, but as I continued through the store choosing gifts, wrappings and stocking stuffers, the calculator in my mama brain decided it was not essential enough to spend - how much - maybe $10, possibly just $5! I could always get it next year. Next time.

For the next 40-something years, I visited the “retro” aisle every year- there were always a few decorations that reminded me of my childhood tree - but never my Christmas angel. Last year, I thought of eBay! I made my first “bid” and waited for a reply! It was substantially more than the 5 or 10 bucks I would have spent in 1980, but worth every penny.

In this pandemic year, few people come to my house. I almost didn’t put up the tree. After all, it’s just a scrawny little tree with hodge-podgy decorations. Then I remembered the angel! I’m happy I put it up. It reminds me of a father’s love and the wonder of a child at Christmas. It reminds me of the year my memories became “retro.” Now, I’ve graduated to “antique.”

2020 has tried to catapult many of us into the category of “elderly.” Almost like a protected species. Certainly into more isolation. Less connection. We are blessed to have lived through many seasons and to remember many “versions” of ourselves. Which of these versions am I now? Likely a composite of them all. I remember them all with gratitude to the Lord who loved me through them. I look forward to seeing a new “edition” in 2021.

P.S. My friend Maureen commented that this describes what God our Heavenly Father meant for our lives to become as we age - a thing of worth and value.

 

Think on These Things by Margaret Kemp

The world has changed more than I could have imagined when I chose the title of my blog. I chose it because it applies to every aspect of my life. Margaret Kemp, a woman I met on our tour of Israel,  published this blog on Facebook Thanksgiving Day. Her message applies the theme of my blog to our present season. I love that she uses the picture of driving on a steep mountain road to depict the uncertainty which we all live in 2020. Beautiful writing.

She wrote:

I did it again.

I'd promised myself I wouldn't, but there I was, compulsively scrolling through the news feed on my phone. As I read each article, I alternated between anxiety and outrage.

This year, we've had no shortage of outrageous, anxiety-producing events. A pandemic. Violence. Hurricanes, wildfires, and other national disasters.

I haven't personally suffered tragedy this year; no one in my immediate family has died, nor have I lost my job or my home. But I've often felt like I was driving at high speed down a winding mountain road, with rocks sliding down the mountain on one side and steep drop-offs on the other side. Who knows what's coming around the next curve?

Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

With thanksgiving.

When I concentrate on the potential calamities in my path, I'm hard-pressed to find a reason to be thankful. Bad news can bind us to the beauty around us.

Yet there's a scenic overlook along the way, and Philippians 8 invites us to park awhile and take in the view.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Phil. 4:8 ESV)

The Greek word translated "think about" is logizomai, "to reckon inward, count up or weigh the reasons, to deliberate, to consider, take into account, weigh, meditate on."

The New American Standard version translates the last phrase this way: "Let your mind dwell on these things."

So instead of taking in all the bad news, I decided to make a list of good news items that fit the criteria of Philippians 4:8.

Whatever is true....In a world littered with fake news and false information, I can fill my mind with the beautiful truth of the Bible. I'm thankful for God's Word.

Whatever is honorable...In a world that stinks of corruption, honorable men and women still daily, selflessly risk their lives to protect the weak and heal the fragile. Thank God for those heroes. 

Whatever is just....A passing glance at the world around us reveals so much injustice. The Bible says, "There is none righteous. Not one." (Rom. 3:10). The good news is that God is a "righteous judge, and a God who feels indignation." (Ps. 7:11), "Thank God; one day he'll bring justice." (Psalm 94:15)

If the picture of God ruling and reigning seems too far off in the distance, I can meditate on the beauty close up.

Whatever is pure...I thought about my granddaughter's gleeful, ringing laughter. I thought of friends who'd welcomed new life into their families; sweet babies with velvety soft skin snuggling peacefully in their mother' arms; wide-eyed trusting fur babies affectionately wagging their little tails. Thank God for those pure blessings.

Whatever is lovely....In the morning as I'm driving to work at sunrise, I'm treated to a spectacular display of light and color in the morning sky. As the weather gets cooler, pink camellias pop out on the bush beside my front door. The loveliness of God's creation gives me reason to be thankful.

Whatever is commendable....Rather than sulking because someone offends me, I can rejoice because so many people demonstrate kindness every day: the neighbor who leaves gifts on my doorstep; friends who text to check on me; sister, who's only a phone call away when I need to talk; considerate, friendly strangers in the grocery store. Their simple gestures won't earn the world's applause, but their actions are commendable.

If there is any excellence.....When I take the time to look, I discover examples of virtue and moral excellence. I find people who are faithful to their callings, even when the going gets tough. I'm thankful for my husband, who stands by me through difficult times. I'm thankful for my pastor, who humbly, diligently teaches God's Word verse by verse. I'm thankful for worship leaders who blend excellent music with a passion for Christ. Those are excellent things.

I'm sure you have your own list of lovely, commendable, excellent things.

Maybe your scenic overlook is cloudy right now. Maybe your eyes are full of tears and your heart is raw from fresh grief. Maybe you feel like you're about to tumble down the mountainside. Then let your thoughts dwell on God, who is worthy of praise. (Rev. 4:11). He's not far off in the distance. He's right beside you, a very present help in time of trouble. (Ps. 46:1)

Take a moment and enjoy his presence. Just for a while, stop wondering about potential dangers around the next bend in the rods.

Park and meditate on the good. The beautiful. The praiseworthy.

And give thanks.

The Power of One Word

 "UN-SURVIVABLE"

One word. Sometime in the early evening before Hurricane Laura, I first heard the word "un-survivable", predicting a 20' storm surge in the Lake Charles area. Un-survivable? Growing up on the Mississippi Gulf Coast, I've lived through many hurricanes, but I never remember hearing a prediction of "un-survivable." The word was spoken too late to influence more evacuation but not too late to cause a surge of fear began to seep through social media as one after another shared the prediction - "UN-SURVIVABLE!" One journalist got his wish - his word spread and made the headlines in newspapers across the country.

 

I began thinking about the power of a single word. Whether the use of a word is accurate, wise or exaggerated - one word has power.  Whether spoken by a wise man or a fool - one word has power. A few years ago, I read a book about seeking God prayerfully for one word to focus on for a year, meditating on it and praying that God work it into your life. For a few years, I prayed and chose a word. Some words I chose were joy, light, love.  I studied scripture about the word, meditated on it and journaled what the Lord spoke to me. Most years I had forgotten about my word by summer, but many times it would come to mind throughout the year, reminding me how God worked in my life in fulfillment of the "one word."

 

Thankfully, Hurricane Laura hit in a way and place that a 20 foot storm surge did not occur, but the media was not done with their declarations. Because their "un-survivable" prophecy was wrong, one person began the viral declaration that Lake Charles had "dodged a bullet” This one carried power too because many forgot about the area. I still see articles written by people of Lake Charles, pleading that people forget the headline "dodged a bullet" and see they still need help! One word has power!

 

When the Israelites finally reached the Jordan River across from the land God promised Abraham, 12 spies were sent across. Ten of them returned with a bad report. As they began to describe what they saw, one word stood out and then echoed through the camp - GIANTS!  Once they heard that word, all else said was muffled. They hardly heard Joshua and Caleb insist "it is a good land!" The shouts of "GIANTS!" in their minds drowned them out. One word has power!

 

As in the prediction of an "un-survivable" storm surge, the word "giants" wasn't the whole story, certainly not the accurate story. Yes, the grapes in the land were huge, proving all God had said about a fertile, lush land of abundance, flowing with milk and honey! But someone concluded that huge grapes meant giants to eat them.  As in the whispering game called "gossip" we played as kids, the message was whispered and spread through the camp. It gained power. One word kept the Israelites from entering the Promised Land! One word has power!

 

How many times do we hear a bad report and make it our constant meditation? We study it, pass it on, make a prediction or a declaration. I know that during this strange season, I've succumbed to focusing on the words. You know "the words" -- pandemic, Covid, death, riots, hurricanes and so many more….. They echoed through my mind trying to control my thoughts and create stress and fear. It was necessary to use them to inform my choices, but did I allow them to magnified and twisted?

 

What about the words I repeat? What is their source? It's been a tricky year - hard to know what's true and what's a lie. As we seek discernment, let's allow God to filter not only our meditations, but the words we speak.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue. And those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21

 

I've seen a lot of memes using words and pictures with the caption "if 2020 was a ____, picturing some unpleasant, pessimistic illustration. Some said "If 2020 was a word _____” I can't really remember the words that followed. I admit some were funny, but most were downright scary. I scrolled quickly through! I could not bear to think of a whole year defined that way! If 2020 is a word, who gets to choose? The media, social media, friends, enemies, political agendas? Satan has certainly tried!

 

It's not January 1, but let's allow God to choose a new word for the remainder of 2020. Let it not be "pandemic" or "catastrophic".  Nothing to do with political chaos or division. What if the word chosen was "peace"? Or "faith"?  "blessed"?  Personally, "kingdom" has been my meditation, as in "thy kingdom come."

 

Let God alone define 2020! Let God define how I view 2020! It's His year! He brings the seasons and the harvest of each year! Psalms 65:11 says, "You have crowned the year with your bounty, and your paths drip fatness." Another translation says, "even the hard pathways overflow with abundance."

 

2020 has certainly brought hard pathways. Some of us have had to be dragged along kicking and screaming, but there is beauty and bounty along the path. He is walking with us. He whispers His words in our ear, and not one of them is "UN-SURVIVABLE".

 

 "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

 

WHATEVER!!

Colossians 3:23 "whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than men."

Whatever?  Then why do I concern myself so much with WHAT that whatever is?  As Christians who desire to really know God, the Bible gives guidelines about what activities are worthy of prioritizing in our lives. Of course, the priority number one is time communicating with the Lord. How can I know Him if I don't spend time talking and listening to Him?

When I spend this time, the Holy Spirit brings things to my mind and gives me a desire to include certain activities in my schedule and life. As I grow closer to the Lord, some things just don't seem to "fit" who I am anymore -- who am in Christ.

I knew this scripture during the season I was raising my children. It was easy--most of the time--to see my work was something I did "as unto the Lord." What could be more important than raising my children to know Jesus? This job had eternal purpose to it!! Eternal importance.

Even during the years I worked in law firms, Colossians 3:23 was on my mind. It was a daily struggle to keep an attitude of working "as unto the Lord." What value did my work have?  This was a battle I never really won. Certain days, I'd plan and order my work with the idea in mind of simply "serving" my bosses and therefore, doing it as unto the Lord. Other days, I just got frustrated with the culture of adversarial litigation and greed. I failed more than I succeeded.

It's easier now that I am retired--or is it? Certainly I have more time for studying the Bible and prayer and more time to choose my own activities. I see influencing my grandchildren as my mission and my calling. But there are SO many things I want to do. Am I doing enough? Many times I fear that others will not see my life as worthwhile. The hustling American culture does not place value on the retired life. The church culture often does not either. Where is the appreciation for the abiding life? Where is the Sabbath rest that God promised? 

I now see that  in any situation or activity, I do it unto the Lord by just "being" in that circumstance --being who I am--who God created me to be. Psalm 19:1 says that "The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands." Just by sparkling in the sky - the stars are doing what they were created to do - the stars give glory to God.  A wave in the ocean praises God by rising and crashing onto the shore, by just being what it was created to be. The wind praises God by whistling through the tree tops or tinkling through my wind chimes.

I praise God and give glory to Him by simply being who I was created to be. What's on my agenda today? Loving a grandchild? Easy to do as unto the Lord - after all, we know Jesus wants to love through us. Eternal value? You bet! As I love them, I pray that they will know God's love. Prayer and Bible Study? You bet! Eternal value! Running errands? Doing housework?  Hmmm....I still praise God by being who He created me to be in each situation, no matter how mundane. Lord, help me take You with me. So, yes, I prayerfully plan my activities, but as I go about my business, such as it is, I now have peace that WHATEVER it is, I do it for the Lord and in that I am praising Him. 

My Empty Calendar Made Me Check My Gratitude Attitude

This article was published in The Advocate Human Condition column on July 12, 2020.

My calendar and I have a love-hate relationship. Why does a retired empty-nester need a planner? I didn’t expect to be so busy. What a wonderful surprise to have a life so full that I still need to plan and to remember what I plan.

Many times, people ask "what do you do with your time?" Almost every retired person I would answer – “Ha!  I’m busier than ever! How did I have time to work?” But when they ask, “what did you do this week?” my mind draws a blank. What did I do? The planner helps me see and remember that I actually did do quite a bit!

My planner was chocked full for March April and May. I started putting smiley faces for each grandchild who was coming to stay. My older grandsons play baseball for LSU, so purple and gold stickers mark game days. I use other symbols and abbreviations so I can see at-a-glance what I need to do - meetings, appointments, church, Bible studies, trips to see my out-of-town children and grandchildren, lunches with friends. Checking off to-do’s feels good. At the end of a month, it I loved to look at all I did. Each smiley face carried a memory.

Even so, the calendar was at times a source of frustration. Sometimes it made me tired just to look at it!  In February, I looked at the calendar for spring and wondered how I could accomplish all. Where would I get the stamina to run the errands, do all my “stuff” and be at Alex Box many evenings for baseball games. But, I was oh so excited! 

Like all of you, on March 12, 2020 my calendar became obsolete. Baseball season was cancelled. I was no longer needed to babysit. In fact, no little people visit my house. Every appointment was marked “cancelled.” There would be no trips to Houston or Colorado or visits from family there.

For weeks I actually couldn't bear to look at the calendar. It hurt too much. It sat on my table as a memorial to all I lost this spring, so I hid it way. As I remembered how I had complained about being busy, I cringed.

Through most of April, I didn't take it out, but soon I realized I was missing family birthdays! Friends didn’t get birthday cards. Some things on the calendar still mattered!

Now it doesn’t hurt as much to look at the purple and gold and the little smiley faces on the calendar. I missed a lot this spring, but I am so grateful that I had a lot to miss! This crisis has given me compassion for those who are lonely and isolated. A time will come when the grandchildren are grown and busy, and my calendar won’t be so full. I’m not ready for that.

The stay-at-home order was a wake- up call to check my gratitude-attitude!  How fitting that the planner I bought for this year has a page at the end of every month to list things I am grateful for. It’s a list I won’t ignore! What fun it will be when the planner begins to fill up again! I’ll try not to complain.

UPDATE: As this appeared on our church blog on July 24, 2020, I added this introduction:

This is an article published in "The Human Condition" column of The Advocate a few weeks ago. You may ask, "why write for a secular column?" One thing I learned at Christian writer's conferences and by submitting devotionals for various publications is that each one has a targeted audience. They only publish what fits their criteria and purposes. The Human Condition is just that - people write stories that readers can connect to in their own "human condition".  Connections help us see we are not alone. What better time to make a connection? We are the light of the world! That light shines even in everyday matters Actually it may shine brighter there! At a time when people feel loss and loneliness, why not sow seeds of understanding? Why not shine a light - if only a hint or glimmer - on the One to whom we offer gratitude?

 

The response I received to the column confirmed to me that many really "got" the message. So, when thinking about how to shine the light of Jesus outside of church walls, think outside the box. We can choose to look at the pulpit or platform that we don't have or allow God to show us ordinary, humble ways to sow what we do have.  I don't get out much these days! But, I pray that I may still sow light and life.