The Desires of My Heart

This morning while lying in my bed, slowly waking up, I found myself falling into what could be called "default praying" - praying anxious prayers of protection and well-being for my kids. Even in my early morning stupor, I began to see the dysfunction in this prayer habit. As I had for so many years, I was striving to build safe little cocoons to shelter, comfort and keep each of my "peeps",  as I like to call my children and grandchildren. And, I sometimes still consider them MY peeps - MY responsibility!  It was if I was trying to surround them like feathers in a nest to coddle and keep them - a warm and cozy nest full of blessings, healings and protection.

Even Jesus acknowledged the strong parental protective urge in Luke 13:34 as He expressed His intense feelings toward Jerusalem.  “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, just as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not."

We all know that the chrysalis has to work its way out of the cocoon to survive, and the baby bird has to be thrown from the nest to fly. But as the eagle hovers over its young, so there is one who promises to cover them with His feathers and under whose wings they can trust. (Ps. 91)   But the security promised here is for those who trust fully in Him, the One who is the hoverer. For those who commit themselves to Him. For those who daily seek Him and dwell in His presence. Verse 14 goes on to say “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name."

I thought I had long ago laid down the idol of  the "perfect Christian family" with perfectly protected and easy lives for all. But, in the process of continuing to lay down that idol -  perhaps it's time instead to pick up the shield and buckler of His truth. Surely, keep praying for their safety, health and happiness, but, even more than that, that each one learns to seek  Him and to dwell in His presence daily. That they seek His truth and commit themselves to His will and purpose for  their lives.

Lord, are my desires morphing more and more into Your desires? You did promise in Psalm 37 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and He will give you the desires of your heart."  As my own family has grown, the "perception" (and it was always just a perception) that I can control, even through prayer, every situation and possibility they may face is no longer one I can reasonably expect to hold onto! It was never reality anyway!  

Know The Things That Belong To Your Peace

"If thou had known, even thou, at least in this thy day, the things which belong unto thy peace." Luke 19:42

 

As Jesus came into Jerusalem on the day we now call Palm Sunday, he rode on a donkey, reminiscent of Solomon riding into Jerusalem as king. The Roman Empire was a cruel and oppressive system that had taken over the land of Israel in about 40 B.C.  The people of Israel were desperate for their Messiah to come!

 

No wonder the people shouted as He rode in “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord.” No wonder they rejoiced in the fulfillment of scripture that their Messiah and King was coming into Jerusalem – no wonder they thought he would immediately overcome the Romans and begin his reign of peace on earth. But he did not come as a conquering king - not this time - but to instead conquer sin.

 

He approached, Jesus stopped and wept over Jerusalem. He lamented that they did not see, on this the day that their Messiah came, the things that belonged to their peace. Their peace did not rest in defeating Rome, but in a Savior who came to Jerusalem to die for their sins, their deliverance, their healing. To offer redemption.

  

We must know in this day, in this place, the things that belong unto OUR peace!

Where does our peace come from? What things “belong unto our peace"?

Does our peace rest in political agreement or a problem-free life? In military strength or financial stability? In a good report? We all long for good news!

“He is our peace.” Eph. 2:14. He – Jesus – is Himself our peace! 

Because of Him, we know that our peace consists of:

 

• Remembering who He is
• Remembering that He is in control
• Remembering that He is with us
• Remembering His past faithfulness
• Remembering that He will come again!

 

Remember the Lord!

 

Ps. 77:11-14 exhorts us to remember Him! “I shall remember the deeds of the Lord. Surely, I will remember Your wonders of old. I will meditate on all Your work and muse on Your deeds. What God is great like our God. You are the God who works wonders. You have shown your strength among the peoples.” 

 

In the book of Philippians Paul wrote "And, finally" Since the apostle Paul packs so much into each letter he writes, when he makes a point to indicate that "this sums it up" we would do well to give it our focused attention.

 

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Phil. 4:8

 

These are the things that reflect His character in everyday life.

….THESE are the things that belong unto your peace!

.

Grafted In

In February, we celebrated Wesleigh's "Gotcha Day". It's been five years since God placed her into our family. Jennifer wrote her Facebook post on the day we ate lunch with the girls at school. Wesleigh's glowing face and sweet hugs were fresh in my mind as I thought of how far she has come in five years.

She shared a comment that I wrote on her blog  while the family was in China to bring her home. Five years later, I am even more convinced that these words did not come from me but as a word from the Lord for sweet Wesleigh and her family - even for other amazing children who have joined their "forever families".

"Our God is in the business of healing hearts. Ps. 68:5 says He is a "father to the fatherless." He called her by name from the womb (Ps. 139) - and that name was Wesleigh Jane Doughty! He has been with her all along and soon she will know His name! I remember the story of Helen Keller who, although blind, deaf and dumb, was taught to communicate. When she was told about God, she excitedly signed, "I KNOW HIM - I just didn't know His name!" When little Wesleigh lay her precious head down in her crib in that orphanage, He hovered over her! What a God! God knew little Wesleigh would be a southern belle - bows and all. For Acts 17:26 tells us "He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation." Wesleigh's boundaries have been extended--and so have ours!"

What a rich and faith-building five years it has been as we have watched and participated in God fulfilling His Word in Wesleigh's life, Gracie's life and in the lives of so many other precious children who HE has placed in families! The theme of our Israel trip was "wild olives" because we, as Gentile Christians, were "grafted in" to the olive tree of Judaism (adopted) into the covenants and promises God made with and to them -- Israel is still the root, the heritage. I was humbled and awed as I experienced the roots of my heritage there. Like wild olive branches, these precious grandchildren have been grafted into the roots of our family (six precious ones!) They now grow along with us, sharing the same roots, the same sap, and they are blossoming, thriving - bringing new life and fresh sprouts of growth to our old family tree! I don't know how or why I get to come along for this ride, but I am ever so grateful that I do!

Abundantly Above!

My favorite scripture since Joel’s birth in 1976 has been Ephesians 3:20 “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.” You see, after Darren having to struggle for breath due to his premature birth, I was terrified that the next baby would be premature and not survive.

I read this scripture and began to think of praying for a birth weight that was “abundantly above” what I would expect or even ask. Jennifer was 6 lbs. 10 oz. and Darren 5 lbs. 4 oz., so I decided that a good 7 lbs. would be my prayer! When my baby boy weighed in at 8 lbs. 1 oz., I made the first entry in the margin of my Bible. It may not seem like a big thing to anyone else, but to me, God confirmed His word and exhibited His great love and care for me!

Since then, every Bible I have used is marked next to Eph. 3:20 with dates, names and notations about prayers answered! From the results of Jennifer’s hand biopsy in 1981 to Rylan’s birth in 2007, from China adoptions to good medical reports, from present needs to future hopes and dreams, this is the verse I have claimed, relied upon, quoted, prayed and given to others. It has been in many ways my “life verse” my “go to” assurance.  The margin scribbles are like little memorials reminding me that I am blessed, that “my cup runneth over”, that I can depend upon the faithfulness of my God.

Lamentations 3 says that “His mercies are new every morning.” The space in the margins of my Bibles might get messy and be filled up, but He doesn’t give me a “quota” of the number of times He’ll answer, proving to me yet again that His Word is true and powerful. To show that He is, as His Old Testament name El Shaddai tells us, “more than enough”! 

A KNOWN God

Today, in the wake of a disappointing outcome in the presidential election, a wise man, our uncle Harold Keller, told me, "Do not fear an unknown future when we have a known God."

 No, we don't know the future, but we do indeed have a KNOWN God! He has made Himself known to us from the first verse of Genesis through the last verse of Revelation.He called Himself the Alpha and the Omega--the beginning and the end. Not only does He jump off the pages of scripture to reveal Himself to us, He became a man and lived and walked among us. Our God desires to be known by us! By ME!  What more do I need today?

New Year's in August!

I am beginning to see the new year as beginning in August. When I looked at the high school football schedule, the dates when my oldest grandson will march in the band, I began to remember why.

Last August 8, I was going to exercise at the rec center - (training, I called it) to gain stamina to keep up with my 8 grandchildren and the 9th who was to come in August from China. I needed more energy and I knew it! I had just completed yet another physical therapy course for my long-term hip pain. This time the therapy actually worked! I had lost a little weight and, without hip pain to hold me back, I hoped to enjoy the new rec center's salt water pool. It had been years since I had been able to swim due to chlorine sensitivity. I was so excited about Gracie Joy coming and about being the grandmother to NINE grandchildren, but I knew I couldn't keep up and be a help if I didn't gain some strength.

On August 8, less than a week before Jennifer and Rich were leaving for China. Paperwork and preparation for travel to China had been grueling for Jennifer, and she was stressed about leaving her children during their first week of school. She was concerned about leaving Wesleigh, who was only three, and only home from China for a year-and-a-half.  I went to the pool to swim, came back and began to spin with vertigo. I knew that in just a few days, Ralph and I would be responsible for 4 grandchildren for two weeks with their parents literally on the other side of the world!

Because it was such a ridiculously obvious attack from the enemy, not just on me but on Jennifer and Richard who had stepped out so boldly in faith to make Gracie their child, I began to praise God for His goodness in spite of not being able to stand. You see, I had been studying about trusting the character of God - who He is and how we can depend upon that character as revealed in the Bible --no matter what. As I spun, I decided that this might be just the time to put it all into practice. Might as well praise God and remember His goodness!

With the help of Richard's mom filling in a few days and some meds, I was able to get myself to the Doughty house, but I didn't know how much help I would be. Ralph did so much, but I was able to get the boys off to school in the morning, prepare the meals and do almost my share. There was plenty enough for both of us - and a few more - to do! (It's hard to try to replace a mom!) The dizziness was bad and doing anything at all was hard, but we made it through, even through Bryce contracted mono and had a serious drug reaction.

Gracie Joy was worth it all!

But that's not the end of the story! During the China trip, Joel called to say that they would be adopting a little boy within a month! Another answer to prayer! I thought with joy, "that means TEN grandchildren!" Ever decided to arrive sooner than expected, August 31, and required a life-saving surgery within 24 hours. Now, our job was to care for Rylan and Auden and then take them to Jacksonville, Florida, a 10 hour drive. I was still VERY dizzy. Again, I chose to trust the Lord and to press on. Again, I was able to do more than I thought I could - not pleasantly - but able to do it.  Ever  is an amazingly healthy and happy baby! What a joy he is!

As I continued to battle the dizziness, doing physical therapy that made me even dizzier, I was able to make our planned trip to Washington, D.C. with Madelyn in October. Though lighting and glass in the museums and Metro stations made me so dizzy, we had a great time! I will always cherish that time with my sweet and amazing granddaughter. Another answer to prayer!

Then, on November 29, 2012, lovely Adalie Rose entered this world and our family! Yes, ELEVEN grandchildren. I was physically dizzy, but the three new grandchildren in three months, really "dizzied" me. I still have friends who, after a year of hearing my story, will ask, "You mean there are TWO babies?" Yes, that's what I've been telling you!!

I think of how many times God uses His goodness and blessings to teach and mature us. All year I have wrestled with my planner and struggled with the fact that, no matter how I stretch myself to help, it isn't nearly the help they could use! I see the calendar as a complex jigsaw puzzle. I can never fit the pieces together! I don't want to disappoint anyone or miss out on any time with my grandchildren. The older grandchildren are proof that the time when they are little passes too fast. I want to know each one and to make a difference in their lives.

As school's opening nears, more and more items must fit into each other on the "jigsaw puzzle" that is my life. My BLESSED life. In Malachi, God tells us He will open the windows of heaven and  pour us out a blessing that we don't have room enough to receive. Not only did I gain three grandchildren this past year, friendships and ministry at church have increased also. I am blessed, Lord.

So, as I fill in the spaces on my calendar, many to be whited out and replaced later, I have decided that in this "new year" of August-to-August, I will thank you for my busyness! Yes, THANK you, Lord. I am trying to schedule as well as I can, cut out  non-essentials, overcome the residues of dizziness and, again, exercise to increase my strength.

Back to the high school football schedule. Last year, because of my dizziness and Gracie's adjustment, Bryce marched in many half-times with no one to watch! We are all determined that we will all work together this year to be sure that doesn't happen in his last two years of high school. There are similar concerns and determinations about each of the other ten grandchildren! And, I am always missing the ones who live far away! They grow up fast! And every one of them is SO MUCH FUN!

Lord, I thank you for the fullness of my life! I ask YOU to bless and care for all of my family. I am  limited in time and energy, but you have no limits! Yes, I am so grateful for the busyness! I ask you, Lord, to make each puzzle piece fit into the others. I trust you that a lovely and peaceful picture will begin to form as the pieces fit together--one I can't see yet as I painstakingly try to fit them all together.

This verse in Ecclesiastes must have been written just for me in this season of my life:
"Furthermore, as for every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, He has also empowered him to eat from them and to receive his reward and rejoice in his labor. This is the gift of God. For he will not often consider the years of his life, because God keeps him occupied with the gladness of his heart."   Not only does God give the blessings, He gives us the power to enjoy them!

Thank you, Lord, for keeping me occupied with the gladness of my heart (and with busyness!) as I begin this "new year". Looking forward to a great year!

Remembering the Lord

Have you ever been puzzled by trials? Discouraged by unanswered prayer? Wondered if God is still interested in your problems? Asked God “are you still there?

If so, you are not unlike the author of Psalm 77. Many of the Psalms were written by King David, but this one is thought to be written by a man named Asaph. The Bible does not tell us what Asaph, was going through, but there is no doubt that he was in great distress. He did not understand why God was not responding to his prayers. He wrote in verses 7- 9

“Will the Lord cast off forever? And will he be favourable no more?
Is His mercy clean gone forever? Doth His promise fail for evermore?
Hath God forgotten to be gracious? Hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies?”

After years of waiting with my son and daughter-in-law through years of the anguish of infertility and multiple miscarriages, I rejoiced that our prayers were being answered. They were chosen to become parents of a baby boy through adoption! The sadness in their eyes faded, replaced with hope. I thanked God that their heartbreak would soon end. They bought a white crib and painted the nursery green. A few days before the baby was to be born, we learned that the adoption would not take place. A mother suffers for herself and for her child. I didn’t understand. Wasn’t this child the answer to years of prayer? What happened, God? “Oh, God, where are you?”

I thought, like the psalmist, “Will the Lord cast off forever? And will he be favourable no more? Is his mercy clean gone forever? And doth his promise fail forevermore? Hath God forgotten to be gracious? Hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies.” I could not remember how to pray. I wondered if I knew anything at all about God. I asked, “Will I ever feel joy again?”

As I grieved, the Holy Spirit reminded me of Psalm 77. I certainly understood the writer asking if God had forgotten to be gracious! But as I read verse 10, he seemed to gain new strength, declaring “BUT I WILL REMEMBER the works of the Lord: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.”

What did the psalmist REMEMBER about God?
The word “remember” is used often in the Bible. Sometimes I complain that I am losing my memory because I lose keys or forget names, but in the Bible the word “remember” means much more than that. It means to recall, to think on, and to meditate on. Remembering was a part of worship. People in the Old Testament often built memorials to help them remember, as Joshua set up twelve memorial stones by the Jordan River to remind the people that God had kept his promise and brought them into the Promised Land. (Joshua 4:7)

If you know me, you remember certain things about me. My name. Am I quiet? Friendly? If you got to know me better, you might begin to observe my character. Am I honest? Am I kind? Am I loyal? Can you depend on me? What is my personality? If I have written you letters, you know what I have said about myself. What would this writer of Psalms know about God to remember? Well, God chose to reveal Himself to and through the descendants of Abraham, the Israelite people. He brought them out of slavery in Egypt, gave them the law through Moses and brought them into the Promised Land. Through these events and the written accounts of them, God revealed Himself. He told them His many names. In Bible times, a name was more than a name—it represented the person’s character. It told you something about that person.

The psalmist, the writer of Psalm 77, would remember:
God’s Word: what God said about Himself through the law and the prophets
God’s character: what God is like: his faithfulness, His love, His mercy…
God’s name: He is Jehovah, the one true God, the majestic and all powerful God
God’s ways: Every story in the Bible teaches us about how God acts

In fact, when this psalmist decided to “Remember the Lord”, he could not help but worship Him! In verse 13, as he remembers the Lord, he declares “who is so great a God as our God? Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people.” He went on to remember how God parted the Red Sea, drowning the Egyptians and delivering God’s people from slavery.

What did I remember in my own grief over a grandchild that would not be? I remembered that God’s Word tells me that He loves my son even more than I do. I remembered that God has always been faithful, not only to those in the Bible but to me personally. I remembered that God is good and all powerful. I remembered that I can trust Jehovah, the majestic and all powerful God. And when I remembered, I worshipped!

I am thankful that when I decide to “remember the Lord” I don’t have to rely on my own memory. Yes, I study the Bible and feed my mind and spirit, but it is the Holy Spirit who brings things to my remembrance. Before Jesus went to heaven, He promised in John 14:26 that the Holy Spirit will “teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said to you.”

When trials pound you. When pain floods over you. When grief threatens to drown you. When doubt tries to overtake you, REMEMBER THE LORD! Remember: His Word, His character, His name, His ways.

P.S. Less than a year later, my son and his wife did become parents of another baby boy through adoption—the baby boy that God had chosen for them. Their mourning was replaced with joy. I will now remember God’s faithfulness to me in this answered prayer.