The Desires of My Heart

This morning while lying in my bed, slowly waking up, I found myself falling into what could be called "default praying" - praying anxious prayers of protection and well-being for my kids. Even in my early morning stupor, I began to see the dysfunction in this prayer habit. As I had for so many years, I was striving to build safe little cocoons to shelter, comfort and keep each of my "peeps",  as I like to call my children and grandchildren. And, I sometimes still consider them MY peeps - MY responsibility!  It was if I was trying to surround them like feathers in a nest to coddle and keep them - a warm and cozy nest full of blessings, healings and protection.

Even Jesus acknowledged the strong parental protective urge in Luke 13:34 as He expressed His intense feelings toward Jerusalem.  “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, just as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not."

We all know that the chrysalis has to work its way out of the cocoon to survive, and the baby bird has to be thrown from the nest to fly. But as the eagle hovers over its young, so there is one who promises to cover them with His feathers and under whose wings they can trust. (Ps. 91)   But the security promised here is for those who trust fully in Him, the One who is the hoverer. For those who commit themselves to Him. For those who daily seek Him and dwell in His presence. Verse 14 goes on to say “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name."

I thought I had long ago laid down the idol of  the "perfect Christian family" with perfectly protected and easy lives for all. But, in the process of continuing to lay down that idol -  perhaps it's time instead to pick up the shield and buckler of His truth. Surely, keep praying for their safety, health and happiness, but, even more than that, that each one learns to seek  Him and to dwell in His presence daily. That they seek His truth and commit themselves to His will and purpose for  their lives.

Lord, are my desires morphing more and more into Your desires? You did promise in Psalm 37 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and He will give you the desires of your heart."  As my own family has grown, the "perception" (and it was always just a perception) that I can control, even through prayer, every situation and possibility they may face is no longer one I can reasonably expect to hold onto! It was never reality anyway!