Childhood Prayers

 

On a crisp September morning in 1980 I prayed for a grateful spirit. Later, after I had taken the children to school, I decided to take a quick walk in our Park Forest neighborhood before ladies Bible study. The autumn day was clear and crisp, reminding me of the excitement I always felt as a child at the start of each school year. After a summer of togetherness with my three little ones, I felt free and happy to be walking alone.

            As I walked, I felt so much gratitude for the life God had given me. I had so much more I had than I ever expected. Three healthy children. A husband who was a wonderful Christian and father. A nice home. More than I ever expected or dreamed of.

            As I thanked God, I was suddenly struck with surprise and wonder as I realized that every one of these things I enjoyed in life was a direct answer to the prayers I had prayed as a little girl. What were my prayers? I had prayed for a husband who went to church, two healthy children and enough money to provide for them. They were simple prayers, based on a child’s limited understanding. God had not only heard those prayers but had cared enough to remember them even after I had forgotten about them.

            Why would a little child pray fervently about things most children take for granted? I was a very serious child, a student of the lives of others. The drinking, fighting and worry over getting the bills paid in my own family had caused me to watch other families, evaluate them and take mental notes of what I believed to be the secrets to happiness. Why did I pray for a family to go to church together?  In my observation, those families who went to church together seemed to have more peaceful homes. I knew my grandparents and the other relatives in Enon and Bogalusa went to church, and their lives seemed to be stable and calm. No relatives, friends of my parents, neighbors or parents of my friends were exempt from my “evaluations.” I knew that I had received salvation in Jesus, but I also looked for keys to a better life for the family I would have!

            I had a really close look into the life of one family. The Blackledge’s lived in our neighborhood and Rothell worked with Daddy at the telephone company.  He was a deacon in the small Baptist church I attended. Daddy spoke about Rothell with respect.  I sat with their family when I went to church alone. Mary babysat Mike and I one summer when Mama was working, so I saw their household operate from the inside. I envied their daughters. The Blackledge household was peaceful.  I know they had no idea that a little person was watching. I associated peaceful households with church-going, so I prayed for a husband who would go to church with me. God gave me more.

            Why did I pray for two children? Mama had said that most people could only afford two children. I definitely wanted a family where money matters were not the source of so much worry and strife. I prayed for two healthy children and enough money to take care of them. God gave me more.

            I realized that fall morning that God had answered the prayers of a little girl who felt so alone in her faith, but He had not limited Himself to her actual requests. He answered the real desires of her heart – those she didn’t have enough understanding to ask for.

           As I grew up, I remembered my childhood prayers and continued to pray but, when the time came to choose a husband, I was not searching in the right places or with the right criteria. With the pressure to fit in at college, I didn’t think so much about God.  When I met Ralph, he was a real “party guy”. I saw that he came from a good Catholic family and went to church and I wondered how that fit in with my prayers, but I am sure being in love was the real reason I married him. I did consider the difference in religion but remembered how MawMaw Foil had approved of her Catholic brother-in-law, saying “those Frenchmen make good husbands.” Ha! She had even said that it probably would have been better if her sister had converted to Catholicism so they could have gone to church as a family – again, the value of “going to church as a family”. I didn’t think to ask Ralph if he had committed his life to the Lord, if he was a Christian. 

           Even though I was not wisely seeking for a husband who would be an answer to my prayers, God saw in Ralph a man who would become the strong Christian man my heart had longed for. I didn’t know that church-going alone would not assure the peaceful home I wanted, but even though I did not know what to pray, God didn’t limit His blessings to the specifics I asked for.

          I had prayed for two healthy children. I read every book and tried to do everything perfectly in pregnancy and child care. That didn’t stop me from having a miscarriage when Jennifer was about two years old. When Darren was born prematurely, the doctors were worried about his breathing during his first night. I was terrified and began to realize that I could not control and protect my family by just doing everything “right”. I guess I hadn’t even learned yet that it is impossible to do everything perfectly. I also saw that I wasn’t in touch with God enough to really pray for my baby. Still, God was faithful and answered my prayer. Darren got over his breathing problems and thrived, but I suffered from depression and emptiness. I began to try to find God again. 

           I had the two healthy children I had prayed for. Still, God gave me more. When Darren was a baby, the Lord guided us into a real relationship with Him.  We began to want another baby and we knew God would provide. So, God gave us Joel! I prayed for a baby of average weight because I feared having another premature birth.  God showed me the scripture “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.”  Eph. 3:20. Again, when Joel weighed in at a whopping 8 lbs. 1 oz., I knew that God had given me so much more than I could even think or know to ask for. What a blessing Joel has been – as we say in Louisiana – “lagniappe” – abundantly beyond what I prayed for.

           If God had taken my prayers at face value and answered them literally – giving me exactly what I asked for – I probably would have a husband who takes our family to church, two healthy children, enough money, yet possibly without the peace and joy of a life where Christ is known and honored. God sees the heart. He knew that my little heart was inclined toward Him, that I wanted Him, even though I thought I just wanted a family that went to church.

           God cared so deeply about the prayers of a little child that He remembered even when I had forgotten Him. He didn’t just eke out an answer that barely met my expectations, He gave me more. He gave me the desires of my heart, desires I didn’t have the maturity or wisdom to even recognize or express.

 “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4